The Answer

Ok, so those were some pretty creative guesses, but none of them were correct. This is one of those funny, embarrassing stories that didn't really embarrass me, but I wanted to build some suspense...

There I was at work, minding my own business as I was changing the headlight bulb in our car on my lunch break. I leaned over (ever so slightly) to get a better look at the headlight from under the hood when I heard this rip. I thought to myself, "what in the world could that have been? I know I'm getting old, but my muscles shouldn't make that kind of noise yet." I continued to work on the headlights until I felt a slight draft. I quickly discovered a large, very large, rip in the crotch of my pants.

So, even though I could feel the hole in my pants, I wanted to know if anyone else would be able to see it. I quietly opened the door to our office and proceeded in stealth mode with my back against the wall (still trying to adopt a normal walking pattern in case someone were to see me) towards the restroom.

When I made it in the restroom, I was shocked at how huge the hole was. Then I had to decide what I was going to do about the giant hole in the seat of my pants for the rest of the day?

Well, I quietly left the restroom and tip toed my way to the supply closet where my McGuyver skills kicked in. I grabbed some clips (meant to hold large stacks of paper) and ninjaed my way back to the restroom. I clipped my pants up, went through a few test scenarios of walking a few steps while I looked at my butt in the mirror to see of anyone would notice 1) the huge hole in my pants and 2) the fact that there was something in my pants that did not belong there - the clips.
I made it back to my office, took an uncomfortable seat for a few hours, shifted constantly, and made sure I was the last one to leave for the day.

By the time I got home to tell Bee about my daily adventure, the clips had all popped off and one was hanging by some thread as it swung between my legs. Bee fell to the ground laughing.